In what wildlife officials are calling ‘the most audacious dine-and-dash in Alaskan retail history,’ a black bear recently strolled into a shopping mall on Joint Base Elmendorf-Richardson (JBER) near Anchorage, helped himself to some complimentary fruit, and left behind a rather… pungent thank-you note in the form of bear scat.
The bear, who apparently missed the memo that most Alaskans do their grocery shopping at actual grocery stores, wandered into the mall with the casual confidence of someone who absolutely has a rewards card. Security footage captured the entire escapade, because of course it did — this is exactly the kind of content the universe owes us.
Witnesses report the bear conducted himself with the focused efficiency of a seasoned shopper who came in with a list. No browsing the shoe racks. No getting distracted by a pretzel kiosk. Just straight to the fruit, a quick snack, and then the biological inevitability that follows any meal, deposited conveniently on the mall floor.
To his credit, the bear did not cause significant structural damage, did not demand to speak to a manager, and did not take up two parking spaces. By most retail-visit metrics, he was a fairly decent customer, minus the theft and the bathroom situation.
JBER officials responded to the incident and the bear reportedly returned to the wilderness, presumably to tell his bear friends about the incredible new farmer’s market he discovered. Authorities reminded the public that Alaska is, in fact, bear country, and that sometimes bear country includes the food court adjacent areas.
No humans were injured. The fruit was not available for comment.
*Source: Alaska’s News Source / Originally spotted on Reddit r/offbeat*
Original story via Reddit Offbeat
